You complain, I complain, all God's children complain from time to time. It's when we complain all the time that the problems begin to develop.

In the words of comedienne Lily Tomlin:

"We invented language out of our deep seated need to complain."

I really believe that there are those among us who will go to bed each day very unhappy if they have not complained enough during the day. These are not fun people to be around.

The funny thing about complaining is that it usually does not change behavior. Yet we keep doing it, thinking if we just do it enough something will change.

This is a great example of the saying that you are stuck when you keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Complaining is also one of the sure fire ways to create distance in a relationship.

A solution for complaining

Instead of complaining, learn to make action requests. An action request is simply a request, not a demand, for some type of change in behavior.

An excellent rule of thumb is to never complain without having at least one or two suggested solutions.

An action request keeps the focus on you and keeps you out of the trap of complaining.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com

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