Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more than the plaintive cry "nobody likes me" or ?I don't have any friends. ? We wish there were something we could do to insure the child will be, if not the most popular, at least included in the games on the playground. Actually, there is something we can do to increase their acceptance by the group and become more approachable to others.

New research shows that all likeable children behave in certain ways. These skills are not in-born but can be taught by parents, teachers and other caring adults. There is a language of likeability that some children cannot pick up by osmosis, but must learn. It has been called a "shorthand ? to making friends. Not only does fitting in and having friends feel good, it has numerous other advantages including better grades, healthier bodies, less stress, and more opportunities to learn social skills. Children who feel like they have friends tend to stay in school longer, make wiser decisions, and are generally happier.

Parents, teachers and other caring adults: Here are 7 secrets to assisting your child to be more likeable. Teach and model them on a daily basis and you will find your social circle enlarging.

1. Look for opportunities to assist others. Studies show that helpfulness correlates more strongly than any other attribute to being liked. Teach them to be aware of other people's needs and to offer assistance spontaneously, before they ask for it.

2. Find something that makes you feel special. Encourage your child to find an activity, hobby or interest that they really enjoy. They don't have to excel at it, just enjoy it. Do you enjoy drama, dance or railroads? Join a group of enthusiasts.

3. Say "hello" first, and smile. People who smile are perceived as nice and approachable. Friendly and optimistic people act as a magnet to others. Have you ever gotten mad at someone who smiled or said hi to you?

4. Don't stand out from the crowd. Whether we like it or not, kids are judged by the way they look. Try to help them fit in socially.

5. Don't take it personally. Help your child understand that another person may just be having a bad day and may not be mad or dislike him or her. Teach them that people are really less concerned about us than we would like to think.

6. Watch your body language. Verbal communication is the language of information. Body language is the language of relationships. Appear open, friendly and eager to join in and make friends. Stand up straight and look people in the eye. Respect other people's space by not standing too close.

7. Recognize the difference between friendship and popularity. Friendship is more important and will last a lifetime. Popularity is fleeting and dependent on the group. You really only need one good friend.

Judy H. Wright is a Parent Educator and author. Parenting books, workshops, teaching aids and FREE e-zine: "The Artichoke-finding the heart of the story in the journey of life" are available by going to www.ArtichokePress.com.

Judy H. Wright, www.ArtichokePress.com

Judy H. Wright

Judy is a parent educator, family coach, and personal historian who has written more than 20 books, hundreds of articles and speaks internationally on family issues, including end of life. . Active as a PBS-Ready to learn consultant, she works with Head Start organizations and child care resource centers. She and Dwain, her husband of 40 years, have six grown children and seven grandchildren. They consider their greatest success in life that their children like themselves and each other.

The symbol of the artichoke has great meaning for Judy in her teaching and writing. As she works with families, she sees that frequently only the outer edges are exposed and they can be prickly and sometimes bitter to the taste. But, as you expose the artichoke and people to warmth, caring, and time, gradually the leaves begin to open and expose the real treasure­the heart.

The artichoke also became a teaching lesson when Judy, with her young family, moved into military housing in California to find Artichokes in their yard. Given that it takes two years for the vegetable to flower, the original gardener never got to see the seeds of her labor. Many times, our actions and reactions in life are felt by people we will never meet, but we plant the seeds of kindness anyway.

You will enjoy Judy's approachable manner, wonderful storytelling and common-sense solutions gleaned from working with hundreds of families and organizations just like yours. Your encounter with Judy will leave you feeling inspired, entertained and especially motivated. Visit Judy's website for excellent references and a full listing of books, workshop topics, tele-classes and testimonials.

To make arrangements for your group or organization to enjoy having Judy present a keynote address, workshop or training session, please contact her at her website, via phone at (406) 549-9813 or via email at Judy@ArtichokePress.com

?Finding the heart of the story in the journey of life.?

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