We generally teach girls to be passive and reward them for doing so. Girls are raised to be quiet, sweet and pretty; they are never to make a 'scene.' Boys are taught, expected and praised to be tough and self-assured, even at times when something troubles them. Whenever a person is traumatized, he/she resorts to familiar behavior; for girls this behavior usually means passivity while boys usually, 'tough it out'thinking if they are strong and unemotional, no harm can occur. Self-protection offers a direct and effective way to empower children to help themselves. Since the perpetrator (a.k.a. sex offender) cunningly and with forethought sets the stage to perpetrate this crime in secrecy, who is better able than the child to protect him/herself? Perpetrators say they can sense a child to victimize; they sense this by the child's demeanor, body language and facial expressions. They sense the fear, the helplessness and the passivity. Perpetrators choose victims who they assume will keep the secret. Children who have experienced body boundary violations through hitting or spanking are more frequently targets for sex offenders than children who havent been hit or spanked. Children who have been spanked or hit take on the belief that their bodies are the property of others, they are more passive, fearful of authority (i.e. adults), and are less apt to protest the sexual violation or tell. No child needs to fall prey to these cunning predators. Without knowledge of and permission to exercise self-protection, the only defense a child has against any kind of abuse is to accept the blame. A child cannot conceive the idea, "My father, uncle, mother, grandpa, grandma, aunt, brother, sister, cousin, friend, teacher, or baby-sitter is sick." Therefore, the only way to survive sexual abuse or incest is to assume that it is her/his fault. A child has unquestioning trust for everyone. "Daddy, grandpa, uncle, cousin is good; it must be me." What is wrong with me? More important, he/she wants and needs his/her family to be a family. She/he believes she/he stabilizes and holds the family together. She/he accepts the blame, shame, responsibility for their own abuse and an inappropriate role within the family. Her/his needs are not being met; she/he is meeting the needs of everyone else at the expense of her/his own needs. Tragically, many survivors believe they are the only one being abused. "I thought I was the only one. I thought if I let him abuse me he would not abuse my sister." This is rarely the case. Perpetrators usually abuse more than one child and frequently abuse several children during a given period. Armed with this knowledge, it is imperative to teach children to protect themselves. Teaching children: (1) good body image, (2) respecting the childs sacred body boundaries, thus avoiding leaving them vulnerable to perpetrators, (3) setting appropriate boundaries, (4) fostering their self-esteem, and (5) not keeping secrets for others, can prevent abuse or prevent the same person from repeating the abuse. Self protection/prevention techniques can be taught in their simplest form beginning by age 2 or 2 . You can modify the teaching of each technique according to your child's age. However, it is critical all concepts of self-protection are taught, practiced and reinforced continuously throughout childhood. Sexual Abuse/Incest Prevention Checklist ________________________________________ Sexual Abuse or Incest Prevention Checklist for Parents and Childcare Workers. Feel free to print this list for your use.
___l. Accept the new definition of sexual abuse or incest.
___2. Accept the reality perpetrators can be persons you least expect.
___3. Respect the childs sacred physical boundaries.
___4. Teach and reinforce the child's right to protest uncomfortable or unacceptable touch.
___5. Respect the child's perception of uncomfortable or unacceptable touch.
___6. Respect the child's likes and dislikes.
___7. Avoid using 'spanking or hitting' as discipline, thus your child will be less apt to be a target for sexual abuse.
___8. Reinforce the child's right to protest uncomfortable or unwanted touch while doing necessary tasks such as verbally soothing the child and changing the touch.
___9. Accept and practice the guidelines for 'good, appropriate' touch.
___10. Intercede when others violate your child's physical boundaries or disregard likes or dislikes.
___11. Teach good body image. "Your body is private, special, beautiful and perfect.'
___12. Teach and practice the TELL MOMMY OR DADDY EVERYTHING--NO SECRETS RULE.
___13. Practice appropriate suspicion-check on others interactions with your child; trust your intuition; heed changes in your child's behavior; investigate behavioral changes and do not stop until you have a resolution.
___14. If in doubt or you have the slightest suspicion your child might be a victim of sexual abuse, seek help from a professional specializing in sexual abuse recovery and Child Protective Services.
___15. Ask questions, which require 'YES or NO' answers until you are confident you understand what your child is telling you.
___16. Trust your child's perceptions. Children are naturally intuitive and often sense an adult's ulterior motives, although you may not suspect anything.
___17. Trust and act on your intuitiveness or sixth sense.
___18. If you err in evaluating the situation, make the error on the side of your child. The important factor is not that you have avoided offending potential abusers, but that you have protected your child's interest. "It has been written: 'Honor thy father and thy mother.' It is essential to add, I think: 'Respect the soul of your child! Think of the future generations!" Tomas Masaryk, First President of Czechoslovakia, from Humanistic Ideals, 1901. See video: http://nospank.net/masaryk.html |
