I call myself semi-retired. I work at a job that takes up 5 hours of my day, 5 days a week. I go home and I lock myself in my office and I work on the computer for 5-6 hours a day. I try and break up my routine by doing household chores in between times when I become brain dead. On the weekend I go out for breakfast and cruise the mall, check out some book stores and go shopping. I use my day job to make outside contacts for inspiration. I have effectively eliminated the very few friends that I had and on occasion we touch base just for old time sake and history is now the only things we can relate to or share. For the last five years I have boxed and tightly wrapped my life in the camouflage of my own importance or many times the lack of it. I have created Roy's Library, a wealth of books, ebooks and articles written by myself for myself. I have successfully cloaked myself in the perceived importance of my work so that I do not have to participate in life socially. I have always been semi reclusive and centered on myself. I teach about spirituality so that I may learn about it and the information that I have, I make accessible so that others may grow and improve their lifestyles. By nature I am a collector and yet I avoid collecting things, I would feel at home in a junk yard, an antique museum or a hardware store. My mother was also a collector, but she overwhelmed her home with things so I rebelled by keeping my home clean and tidy. I found a way to collect abundance and keep it hidden at the same time. I collect words and put them into the abyss of my hard drive. So now I have successfully managed to recluse myself effectively and also collect without being messy about it. I love to be around books because they have stored energy. They are the preserved thoughts of the authors that have written them and they have potential energy. Their thoughts are organized and indexed on pages and neatly tucked away on a library's shelf. A library has potential, but no life until someone picks up a book and begins to read it. The energy in the book is then transferred to the reader. The knowledge of one's life time has only potential energy until that knowledge is transferred to another and used. Oil has potential energy, the energy of sunlight assimilated by plants converted into matter and stored as oil. Life is not about collecting things, it is about movement. Collecting things is OK but it cannot be disguised as life unless the energy in the collection itself is released to others. What good is a thought unless it can be made manifest. A thought is nothing until it has movement, then it has life. That is what we are accomplishing here in the physical world. We are creating life, by taking our thoughts and turning them into physical objects or movement. My writing and my collection are useless, unless someone takes them and makes them workable or demonstrates them in physical form. Words have energy but no life until they are spoken. The spoken word gives life to that which is hidden from us in a book or thought. A painting adds life to those that view it and a dance to those that witness it. An artist or writer stores his/her life in the work that he/she creates. Many of these people have difficulty with relationships, everyday living and interaction with others. Their thoughts are often out of sync in time and place with the accepted knowns of the day and so they withdraw and become observers of life rather than participators. I believe they are keenly aware of the separation and often put their physical lives on hold preferring to express themselves in their work. They store their life's energy in their writings, poetry and paintings to have that energy released at a later time when it is more appropriate to have it manifested by another into physical reality. It may well be an adjustment in time and space that is made by the entity for a later purpose. I trust that life is always shared in a natural order of things. I also believe that all of life can be shared altruistically. Sometimes it serves best to know the work rather than the worker, because humanity makes value judgments based on the writer's or artist's personal circumstances. I believe that many gifted people sacrifice immediate physical fulfilment for immortality through their work. I live and share an insular existence connected to others through my work at a level of consciousness that is unknown to me. But am I so different than those that would demonstrate their lives through their families and friends on a backdrop of physical symbols? As a writer I am just playing a trick with time in the knowingness that past, present and future exists simultaneously and immortality exists for all. Am I just making excuses for not participating or are my ideas and my awareness too outrageous for my time? If I am trying to say that I was born at the wrong time and place, why didn't I postpone my birth until a later date? Perhaps my writing is a glimpse into the future of awareness and enlightenment, maybe not believable at this time, but a seed planted for a new generation. The abstract painting is perhaps a portrait of another realm of awareness yet to come into our focus. The importance of my work, my life or my circumstances has no purpose except for the purpose I give it while I am focused in this time and place. It is just too easy to give meaning and importance to something in the future because we do not have to take responsibility for something that is never going to happen. The future holds much promise for those that are not living now. |
